I'm not sure anymore
I'm tired. I'm not sure why.
This world feels wrong in so many ways. Why do people treat others so poorly, why do they place so much value in money? Why do people believe treating others as staircases is better than treating them as people? Why are humans so dominant, and why do so many disrespect animals and plants? Why do we even exist? What is the point of us, and is there any point to any of this?
I wish I knew, but I never will. Sadly, we'll likely never know what caused the universe - if only we thought of having a witness at hand to see the universe begin. And the massive chain of events that that one decision created has caused a snowball effect we'll never be able to get ourselves out of. We've fucked it up for everyone, or maybe we haven't. Maybe I'm just fed up that life isn't as perfect as I dreamt it would be. Maybe I'd rather be an ant, and I'm venting needlessly. Maybe this blogpost's whole premise is I wish I was an ant - how much better life would be.
I wouldn't be aware of what is happening in the world, I wouldn't be so anxious about ultimately pointless things. I cannot let myself not be stressed, however, because they have a purpose to me. Exams are fundamentally important to me if I want to have a supposedly great human life.
Ants, however, do not need to worry about such issues. And perhaps they're happier because of it.
The true reason why I started writing this post was also as I'm annoyed by this blog. The posts feel all too...worthless? Like, I don't think many of the things I've published could be described as good. I've managed to reach the trending page again, and I've realised how much I dislike being noticed again. It's a paradox because I don't hate being read, I just hate being looked at. Perhaps it's anxiety.
As a result, I ask myself if this blog is any good. How do others love something I mostly dismiss as okay? Or am I wrong, and the posts are actually good? I'm thinking of removing some, just to make the blog feel cleaner.
But I'm not sure anymore.